West Ham midfielder Declan Rice is now officially owned by 0.0% of Fantasy Premier League managers after being dropped by his mother, the Premier League has confirmed.
After dropping her son off at training on Thursday morning, Barbara Rice was quoted as saying
“Dec knows that I’m a very serious FPL player and so when we got the family together to celebrate his promotion to the first team, he said to me ‘mum, finally you can now draft me on Fantasy Premier League!’.
At first I thought he was joking and just laughed awkwardly, hoping that his dad would change the subject by boring us with one of his stories about playing Sunday league as a kid.
I think he could sense that I wasn’t all that keen though, so he asked again later on once I’d necked 4 glasses of wine… he knows I’m a pushover after wine. For some reason I started to think it was a good idea, so I took a 4 point hit and drafted him in like a good mother.”
After failing to rack up a single minute of Premier League football in the 11 games since, it appears that Mrs Rice has finally lost patience with her son, and cited her work’s FPL contest as the final straw in her decision to drop him once and for all.
“Things are hotting up in our work’s contest right now, and I’m falling off the pace no thanks to that ***** locking up £4.5m of my funds. It’s £20 a head in our league… there’s no room for deadwood. I can have Kante for £4.5 and he actually plays.”
“He was costing me money at 7 years old asking for new Mercurial Vapors and now he’s still costing me money at 18. I’m sick of it”, she added.